Sometimes you realize things you didn't want to admit...

I woke up in a pretty blah mood today which is weird because nothing bad or crappy happened last night before i went to bed with Master and a friend is coming down tomorrow to hang out for the day...Guess i've just been doing more thinking that is really a good idea today.Here's now all this started...

Last week, my best friend's boyfriend proposed to her. She asked me to be maid of honor and go ring shopping with her because he had proposed without a ring. At first i was a little amazed that all the sudden he proposed even though they have barely been together a year. Then it worked its way into making me jealous and angry at her for asking me to have such a big job because Master and i have been together nearly two years. We talk about getting married and having kids, but He always talks about waiting until we are settled in a place of our own. Currently, He is the one with the job and we can't afford a rental house on just what He makes along with paying for His cell and two cars. i really feel like i have been a terribly crappy friend for being so jealous and bitter behind her back instead of being happy for her. And i know that when the time is right Master will propose but i can't help but to feel like i should ask Him to wait until we move out. It seems a little silly for Him to ask me to marry Him when we're still living with His parents.

i've been wanting to go to college and have been trying to plan things for over a month,but lately i have been thinking that maybe i should just put it off and try to get a full time job so that i can easily help pay for a place for us to live. It would push back our plan to move to Florida so that i can get the degrees that i want but it seems like the right choice to make. i just don't know....i feel like i have been a crappy friend and a crappy slave and i hate that feeling SO much.

blah...Congrats if you read this far, i really don't even remember now what exactly i was getting at...*sigh*

love and light

So it's been a few days since i had anything new to share and i'm trying really hard to find something now...bear with me please as i try to figure out where i want to go with this post.

Well, i finally have my kef...my slave mark. Master allowed me to get it finally yesterday and it was one of the most intense experiences i have yet had getting a tattoo. i now proudly wear the Gorean kef on my right outer thigh as a sign that i am slave. i couldn't be happier that my Master allowed me to do this and loves it as much as i do. Hopefully next up will be His mark connected to the kef with a chain and collar which is something that we came up with together to make it unique to us. Every time i see it standing out against the paleness of my flesh, it fills me with wonder and amazement and a strength i wasn't quite sure i had.

i'm hoping somewhat that a reminder like that will help me in my day to day things to remember that first and foremost, i am my Masters slave. This mark will travel where ever i may go and cannot be removed. i treasure it dearly and am proud to wear it for Him.

Well, something interesting happened to me several weeks ago on collarme...i ran across a girl i knew in high school and we started talking again. she has quickly become one of my best friends as i don't have any friends in the lifestyle who live even remotely close to me. Recently she went through a rough break-up with her Dom, who i also know and Master has offered her a collar of protection which she has accepted. i'm so glad that Master and i can help her through such a hard time as she is going through and that i was able to talk her into staying in the lifestyle. i'm not really sure how everything will go from here but Master has expressed an interest in possibly offering her a consideration collar after some time hanging out and getting to know her, if it clicks for us. We've been looking for another girl for a few months and i'm really hoping that this works, not only for Master, but for myself and her as well.

Think that's all i have for now...just getting ready for the Holidays and making presents for family and close friends. After that might possibly be a vacation for Master and myself to Florida if we play our cards right. i sure hope so!

love and light

Because I wanna win cool stuff!

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