Sometimes you realize things you didn't want to admit...

I woke up in a pretty blah mood today which is weird because nothing bad or crappy happened last night before i went to bed with Master and a friend is coming down tomorrow to hang out for the day...Guess i've just been doing more thinking that is really a good idea today.Here's now all this started...

Last week, my best friend's boyfriend proposed to her. She asked me to be maid of honor and go ring shopping with her because he had proposed without a ring. At first i was a little amazed that all the sudden he proposed even though they have barely been together a year. Then it worked its way into making me jealous and angry at her for asking me to have such a big job because Master and i have been together nearly two years. We talk about getting married and having kids, but He always talks about waiting until we are settled in a place of our own. Currently, He is the one with the job and we can't afford a rental house on just what He makes along with paying for His cell and two cars. i really feel like i have been a terribly crappy friend for being so jealous and bitter behind her back instead of being happy for her. And i know that when the time is right Master will propose but i can't help but to feel like i should ask Him to wait until we move out. It seems a little silly for Him to ask me to marry Him when we're still living with His parents.

i've been wanting to go to college and have been trying to plan things for over a month,but lately i have been thinking that maybe i should just put it off and try to get a full time job so that i can easily help pay for a place for us to live. It would push back our plan to move to Florida so that i can get the degrees that i want but it seems like the right choice to make. i just don't know....i feel like i have been a crappy friend and a crappy slave and i hate that feeling SO much.

blah...Congrats if you read this far, i really don't even remember now what exactly i was getting at...*sigh*

love and light